Protecting My Peace
Protecting my peace is something I have had to develop. It did not come naturally to me. I didn't even know how. Now I know its value, and I protect it.
For a great deal of my life, I thought protecting my peace meant avoiding conflict and walking on eggshells around anything that might disrupt it. The problem was, what was constantly being disrupted was me.
Sometimes the peace we are looking for comes from facing what we are trying to avoid. There are conversations we put off because we know they may be uncomfortable or, to be honest, may outright blow up. We postpone things because we aren't ready to deal with what comes next.
None of that brings peace. We end up dancing around whatever we are avoiding while it sits somewhere in the background. This is something I know a lot about. If there were a degree in it, I would have a doctorate. Maybe a double.
I also had to learn that protecting my peace is not the same thing as refusing to be there for people. If someone I love genuinely needs me, I show up. Period. No question. I can love, care about, help and forgive while still having limits on what I will participate in.
At some point, I realized I deserve peace in my life. I also realized I was the only person who could give that to me.
Setting a boundary is often not the hardest part. The hardest part is holding it when someone doesn't recognize it or is furious that it exists. I hold it because I know what happens when I don't. I lose myself. I lose the life I want to live because my attention is pulled into something that isn't mine.
Giving in just to make the chaos end can feel like peace, especially if that is what you have always done. It isn't. It is peace in disguise. Eventually it falls apart, and the cycle begins again.
I had to realize that the boundary is mine. The other person doesn't get to decide whether it stands.
For me, protecting my peace means knowing what I am willing to participate in and not abandoning myself simply because someone else doesn't like it.
When I feel like I can't hold it, I give it to God and trust that I will be okay.
Peace is not always something we find; sometimes it is something we take back.