Peace I Prioritize
I grew up in complete chaos. There was never any real peace, always walking on eggshells, waiting for the next problem or blow-up. I grew up in fear, and that fear followed me well into adulthood. Many of the decisions I made weren't based on what I wanted for my life, but what I was trying to get away from.
My great-aunt once told me she wished I would make a decision because it was something I wanted or believed in, rather than something I was afraid of. I heard her, but I didn't fully understand what she meant until much later. Sometimes I was just trading one bad situation for the next. It took time and a lot of work to understand that I had choices. I didn't have to stay on the chaotic roller coaster I grew up on.
When you've never known peace, you don't even realize it's missing from your life. I came to know it over time, and the more I experienced it, the more I wanted it. I wanted peace to be my normal. I started changing how I responded to things. It was slow, very slow at first. I still work at it today.
Today I have a full life, one I find beautiful and wonderful. I have a big blended family, loved ones, friends, work, and so many things I still want to do. I'm constantly busy, and I enjoy it. Rarely does a day go by without some issue or tension, and the most difficult days are when several areas of life become stressful at once. I've come to embrace the responsibilities that accompany the life I love. The gift comes with responsibilities. You don't get one without the other.
I've learned there is a difference between the stress that comes with living and the unnecessary conflict some people create. There are people who thrive on drama and upsetting others. I know that behavior well, and I no longer participate in it. My body may not have gotten the message yet, but my head has. I know who I am, the life I've chosen, and the family I love. I don't need to live in fear anymore.
That doesn't mean I avoid issues that need to be addressed. I have a voice, and I use it. My goal is to find a resolution, and I try to do that respectfully. Sometimes that means finding common ground, and sometimes there are things I'm simply not willing to compromise on.
Our home is rarely quiet, nor would I want it to be. I want it thriving, filled with love, a sanctuary for our family and a place where we create memories together. I want everyone who comes through our door to feel welcome and loved. I have a rule that we are never rude to guests in our home. Disagreements happen, but there is a time and place for them. I encourage everyone to leave their conflicts at the door.
Over time, I began discovering little things that made my days more enjoyable and peaceful. I love my mornings. I spend ten minutes with a heated eye mask before getting out of bed. My partner makes my espresso, with fiber, olive oil, and water, it becomes a rather decadent meal in a cup. I review emails, listen to a little news, and spend time writing. Sometimes I'm working on business matters, but it's usually quiet and peaceful before the demands of the day begin. I like knowing what's happening in the world, but too much news can take away from my peace.
In the evenings, I do my skincare before I'm too tired to enjoy it. Otherwise, it becomes another thing I have to do. I spend time reading, writing, or reflecting, sometimes working through something the day has brought. At bedtime, I listen to a sleep meditation. I set the timer for an hour and fifteen minutes because, for whatever reason, an hour leaves me thinking about when it will turn off. Those extra fifteen minutes seem to make all the difference.
My faith is an important part of finding peace. When something is weighing heavily on me, I pray for God's wisdom, guidance, and direction. I ask Him to soothe my soul and walk with me until I get to the other side of whatever I'm facing. Sometimes I ask Him to carry me when I don't feel I can take another step. He has carried me this far in life, and I trust He will continue to be there.
I thank God for being there throughout my life, for seeing me through difficult times, and for helping me grow, even when I didn't know how I needed to grow. I'm grateful for the life I have today and for my family. When I think about where I started and where I am now, I have so much to be thankful for.
Things affect me more than I would like sometimes. The difference is I know when it's happening, and I get to decide what I let into my life. It may take me a moment to reflect on it, but the choice is mine. I don't take any part of my life for granted. It took me a long time to find peace, and it's something I want to keep and cultivate.